August 9, 2014
Wrestling with the reality of being unable to escape this pain,
I spent the day thinking that there wouldn’t be much to gain.
But with this day, I received reminders, pursuing on the path I chose to take,
Of experiencing life deeply, with my mind and soul, while my body surely does ache.
Before, on a day like this, I wouldn’t hesitate to call my mother,
She was the person most like me, so easy to talk to, not like any other.
However, sadly, just months ago, we lost her, her death was so untimely,
But with great loss, if we remain open and submit to a force so divinely,
We can see that these setbacks are opportunities that provide greater reflection,
Allowing us a moment to see, hearken, and start in another direction.
So instead of calling my mom, I stepped outside and immersed myself in nature,
A place I turn to often, to feel closest to our maker.
The celestial chirps of a thousand of insects allowed me to elevate to a higher plane,
Walking around in a such a daze often makes me think my life is lived in vain.
As soon I believe a thought like this, the invisible hand lets itself be known,
And I realize I wouldn’t be able to see this magic, had I not been in “the zone.”
Maybe my way of life won’t make the headline news,
Where domination receives credit for being the worthiest of views.
If my mother taught me one thing, it was to be who I am, I AM Chris,
Thus, I’ll proceed with what gives me most enthusiasm, for we should all “follow your bliss.”
I wrote this poem this evening, after spending a day still recuperating from overexertion. I fell asleep, twice, while just lying on the floor. It wasn’t until my boyfriend left for some late afternoon work, that I was able to reconnect with something deeper within myself. Taking multiple walks in nature, listening to Joseph Campbell lecture, and texting with my dad got me through a seemingly pointless day. Even when you feel like you cannot do anything, be open to possibilities, flow with the weaving of time, and you will find not what you wanted, but what you needed. Writing poetry is something that is new to me, but I have found it to always be exciting.
The picture credit goes to my dad, who took this picture and sent it to me while I was writing this poem. He’s been sending me sunset pictures from his backyard for years. This is one of my favorites.
The following day I was still recuperating from my overexertion. I decided to kick back, and put on the next installment of a particular Joseph Campbell series. He began by explaining that in the same way we would have our first, deep connection with our mother, we must turn to nature with that same presence.
Whoah, that is what my poem was about! Taking it as how we can completely surrender to our mother, maybe I’m completely surrendering myself to nature. It is in this state that we are completely in tune with nature, one with nature, finally, in harmony with nature.
Yoda, our pug, was itching for his walk, so I pressed paused and we went outside. I was still in a lot of pain, so I figured being in nature might help.
Everyday we walk around the park and stop and sit underneath a HUGE, old oak tree. This day, as we sat, I could feel my pain, just as intense as the day before. I reminded myself to just surrender to nature, like I would to my mother.
As soon as I surrendered my being I felt, starting at my crown, an unfoldment in what was described in my mind as “My Human Tension Field or Shield”, I felt that layer just wash away. As soon as this happened, a bird flew over and landed on the closest branch to us. The bird was staring at me, which was rather odd, as I am there everyday, and I watch those birds: they are always eating bugs and doing their bird thing. But I felt something coming from the bird, and as soon as I did, Yoda began to continuously bark at the bird. He is almost seven years old, and has never barked at birds.
All I could think was that I’d like to explore this realm even further.